after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
