i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
