1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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