That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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