ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
