I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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