I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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