I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
