He had one of those small greek statue penises
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
