I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She announced her abortion via fbk
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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