She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
