Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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