Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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