You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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