But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
