Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
