We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
3pm strippers are depressing
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
