At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
