from now on my penis is your penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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