What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
