my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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