I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
