i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
