i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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