i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
