using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
