I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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