??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
