Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
