I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
