i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
