i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
