apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hippo gnu deer
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
