Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I believe in your delicious
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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