I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
