I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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