the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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