he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
