Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
