I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
