I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
