is your mom at the bar?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hippo gnu deer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
