the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
