Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
