So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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