But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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