dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
