Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
