the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
