It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
