just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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