those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
