We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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